When We Offer Support, Take It

Originally published in the December 2025 issue of Rochester Red Star. 
    I had held off on republishing this piece here because I authored it under my real name, but I have decided not to live in fear of my writing finding the eyes of those who hold professional/institutional power over me.
    I am still proud of this short essay, even if I no longer am of the organization which published it.

I have noticed a tendency in myself and my comrades that I believe does us a disservice on several levels. We are too reticent to ask for help, and even to accept it when offered. I see this in a lot of contexts: we are afraid to burden others with our anxieties when they have their own stressors to deal with. We don’t want to renege on commitments that have become a struggle to maintain. We want to be able to do it all. In my opinion, this attitude comes from living under a capitalist system, and we should unlearn it.

There is a concept of internalized bigotry that is applied in various contexts: women internalize the misogyny of our patriarchal society, and likewise racism, transphobia, ableism, and so on get internalized. I find this framework useful because it encourages self-empathy while also suggesting that we recognize and challenge unhelpful beliefs. 

For instance, it is not the fault of individual women that we have a tendency to compete and tear each other down, even though this inclination supports our own oppression. Rather, it is the result of living from birth in a society that sends the message in infinite ways that we are lesser than men, that we should have to work harder to get the same success as they do.

However, just because we should not accept blame for having those impulses does not mean we should let them go unchecked. On the contrary, when we see that manifesting as harmful behavior in ourselves and others, we should challenge it. The point is that this should be done with empathy.

This mentality applies to all internalized bigotry, and I think it can be brought to this internalized drive for self-sufficiency. The idea that we should be able to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, and that needing the “charity” of others to get by is some kind of failure, comes from individualist, patriarchal beliefs. Incidentally, this means this problem is often more prevalent in those of us who have marginalized identities. 

Socialism is a system opposed to the patriarchy and imperialism. Our ideology has more in common with collectivism than individualism. I feel confident in saying that, if I were to abruptly ask for some significant help from my comrades in Rochester DSA, be it in terms of taking up my organizing work, emotional support, or capital, none would hesitate to provide all they could. In many cases, we are eager for the opportunity to put our beliefs into practice. Why, then, do we worry about “taking too much”?

Just as helping a comrade in need is praxis, accepting help when needed is, too. “From each according to his ability, to each according to his need” is bidirectional. Not just to avoid burnout, and to take care of ourselves under fascist capitalism, we should ask for and accept help because doing so lets us manifest the better world we believe is possible.